Diversity: Coming to a Neighborhood Near You

The cover story of Sunday's Washington Post is entitled "The New American Neighborhood," and details the changing demographics of the Washington D.C. area over the last 30 years.  The basic premise is that majority white neighborhoods are becoming a thing of the past, with more areas welcoming a mix of ethnic, religious, and cultural diversity.  This does not just apply to the city, but even to the far reaches of the suburbs of Loudoun County, Prince William County, and Montgomery County.  The county that I work in, Fairfax, is no exception.  You can read the full article here.

Additionally, the story discusses the way that children today are having different experiences than in past generations:

"The multiculturalism is shaping the way children interact in ways that even their older siblings did not experience.  When Lisette Pozo, 25, was in high school, most of her friends were Hispanic, like her. Her 12-year-old brother, Michael, hangs out with neighbors in Ashburn who are Middle Eastern and Indian. They have sampled his mother’s arroz con pollo and lomo saltado, and he has been to their houses for flat bread and chicken, and other spicy dishes whose names he doesn’t quite remember." (source:  http://www.washingtonpost.com/)

Children and students today, at least from my observations, have much more diverse groups of friends, and are more relaxed and willing to experience and learn more about their peers' cultural backgrounds.  In fact, it is projected that within the next 30 years, non-hispanic whites will be in the minority in the United States.  Across the country we can already see this transformation as the latest census data is made known. What does this mean for us as school counselors?

I happen to love working with diverse populations--I find people, in general, fascinating, and I enjoy learning about the cultures and backgrounds of my students and families.  In fact, the diversity of my school is one of the things that really spoke to me when I was in the interview process.  Hopefully, all counselors are now receiving some form of training in multicultural counseling--it was a strong component of my degree program.  It is important to develop an awareness and empathy for cultures other than your own and/or the dominant culture in the society, and at the same time avoid assigning broad labels to groups--this is one of the possible pitfalls of multicultural counseling. Rather, the strength of counseling from a multicultural perspective is that you are able to take each client, couple, or family and view them within their own unique culture.  That being said, please note that in the following paragraphs I am only speaking in general terms--every individual situation is different, and I do not propose any of them as more right or wrong than another.

In traditional American culture, for example, there is generally a strong belief in the rights of the individual to chart their own destiny, make their own decisions, and prioritize their own needs above the needs of the group or others.  An ailing mother may need her child to stay at home in order to help take care of her when he graduates from high school, but she may encourage him to leave and go away to college, working to make other arrangements to support herself when he is gone.  However, in some cultures, the needs of the family and the group are seen as being more important than those of the individual--it might be unheard of, in the same situation, for that child to go away to college leaving his mother to fend for herself.

Same situation, different cultural situations.  What do you, as a school counselor, do?

If the student is from the more individualized culture, it might be important to work with him on setting up ways to stay in touch with his mother on a regular basis, and on helping to connect him to resources in the area that might be able to assist.  You can work out an emergency plan with him in case his mother becomes truly debilitated.  You can help him to think about who is in the area that could also assist and check in with his mother so that she has people watching out for her on a regular basis.  Are there siblings?  Family friends?  Neighbors?  Can he work out a car-pooling system for regular visits home on the weekends?

In the case of the student who may be part of a culture that places a strong value on the family and the group, you might want to work with him on finding a pathway to college that would allow him to remain in his house.  Perhaps he needs to attend a university that is close to home?  Maybe he needs to take a reduced class load in order to help out with his mother's care?  Perhaps a two-year college is a good place for him to start with flexible class times so that he can share in the care of his mother with other family or siblings and still find time to begin his college education?

The place to start, though, is in confronting your own cultural biases.  If you read the above example and felt more sympathy with one scenario over the other, does that color your judgement when working with your students?  You probably are going to feel more comfortable with one path versus another--that is normal and to be expected.  Our own values are a part of who we are.  However, what is important is being aware of these predispositions so that you are able to prevent them from hindering your work with students and families who may have a different life-perspective.

There are many resources available to gain more skills in working from a multicultural perspective.  The Association for Multicultural Counseling and Development has resources available on their website, and the list of multicultural competencies is available on the ACA website.  If you are interested in reading further into working with diverse populations, I would recommend taking a look at two books.  The first is edited by one of the gurus of multicultural counseling, Courtland Lee at the University of Maryland, entitled Multicultural Issues in Counseling.   The second book is published by ASCA and is Multiculturalism and Diversity by Sharon Ravitch, Ph.D.  Both of these publications are filled with resources, strong research, and case studies.  Moreover, there may be classes, workshops, or in-services available through your school district, local universities, or professional organizations to help develop your multicultural counseling skills.

Self Care: Who is your most important client? You are.

I distinctly remember that throughout my graduate program there was a lot of discussion about self-care.  A lot.  I, however, had been a teacher for many years and had worked in two different residential-life programs with high-school students.  I was sure I could easily manage any demands that were put upon me from my future job as a school counselor, and I was so excited and enthusiastic about getting to work and eager to see one kid after another and assist them with their problems.  By the end of the program, I thought that maybe there was some overkill with regards to the whole "self-care" thing.  How hard could it be?

Two months into my first job, exhausted and overwhelmed,  I realized that it was probably the most important thing we could have covered in my degree program.

I am working this year with all of the new school counselors in my county, and true to form about a month or so into the school year there were signs of stress:  long hours, extra hours on nights and weekends, a never ending barrage of parents, students, teachers, and administrators coming at you via e-mail, phone, or in person.  We tend to get into this job because we are nurturing--we want to help others.  However, as I and others quickly learned, in your role as a school counselor you are being asked to "give" constantly.  The counseling relationship is indeed a relationship, but it is a one-sided relationship.  Unlike friendships where you give emotional support to your friends and they also give emotional support to you, the counseling relationship is all give and no take from the counselor's perspective.  All of our energy goes out to the students with very little coming back to us.  Further, in order to empathetic we must be willing not only to be open to feeling and understanding a student's joys, but we must also be open to understanding their pain (Shallcross, 2011).  Additionally, as school counselors we can often end up in situations where we are assigned many non-counseling duties, leaving us with less time to help our students, families, and staff members.  Combine this with large case-loads, throw in a lack of support from other counselors, a director, or your administration, and you can find yourself melting down fairly quickly (Falls, 2010).  Thus, this is the reason that good graduate counseling programs regularly talk about self-care--it is important for new counselors to already have some ideas and structures in place that will assist them in taking care of themselves.

Think about it.  If you are impaired and emotionally drained, how can you hope to help others deal with their own problems and feelings?  In a 2011 article in Counseling Today, Lynne Shallcross discusses how on airplanes, the instructions are always to place your own oxygen mask on yourself before helping someone else with theirs.  Why?  Because if you've passed out from a lack of oxygen, you will be unable to help anyone.  She quotes counselor and doctoral student Sandra Rankin:

"If you're gasping for air, you can't help other people.  Counselors who neglect their own mental, physical and spiritual self-care eventually run out of 'oxygen' and cannot effectively help their clients because all of their energy is going out to the clients and nothing is coming back in to replenish the counselors' energy."

Moreover, self-care is an explicit ethical mandate for school counselors.  In the ASCA Code of Ethics, E.1.b, Professional School Counselors:

"Monitor emotional and physical health and practice wellness to ensure optimal effectiveness. Seek physical or mental health referrals when needed to ensure competence at all times."

It is also in the introduction to Section C: Professional Responsibility of the ACA Code of Ethics:

"...counselors engage in self-care activities to maintain and promote their emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual well-being to best meet their professional responsibilities."

Thus, it is not only helpful but ethical and a best practice to develop a plan and a structure that allows us to replenish our physical and emotional energy so that we are truly able to help our students and clients.  I compare it to singing.  As a singer, my whole body is my instrument--if I am tense in the wrong place or sick or exhausted, I am unable to produce the best sound possible for my conductor or my audience.  Similarly, in the art of counseling, we are also the instrument.  If we are physically and emotionally exhausted, how can we hope to be able to empathize with our clients or stay focused enough on what they are telling us and showing us in order to best assess their needs and devise a plan to help them?

How can you tell if you or a colleague is beginning to fray a bit at the edges?  You might not do well with a crisis, you might find yourself being ever more cynical about students and your job, you might find yourself taking more and more "mental health days," you might withdraw more and more from family, friends, and co-workers, your personal relationships may be suffering, and you might become extremely defensive with any constructive criticism about your job performance (Williams, 2011).  Additionally, there are some great questions from Gerald Corey to ask yourself if you are concerned about impairment or burnout:

• Is my personal life satisfying and rewarding?
• Are my relationships where I want them to be?
• To what degree am I taking care of myself, both physically and emotionally?
• Would I be willing for other (school counselors) I respect to know about my professional conduct and decisions?
• Am I willing to express my vulnerabilities through consultation or peer supervision?
• Am I generally consistent in my practice? (Williams, 2011)

Your answers to these questions should help to guide you in determining how much impact your work is having on your whole life.

It may seem counter-intuitive to make time to take care of yourself, but in this job the e-mails, phone-calls, and needs of all of our stakeholders will never stop--there will always be something else you could be working on or "one more thing" you could do before you leave the office.  I am someone who has perfectionist tendencies--I like to have everything done right, every "I" dotted and every "T" crossed before I leave the office.  However, I quickly had to realign my thinking once I began working as a school counselor.  Here are some tips and ideas about how to either remain well or find your way back to wellness:

• Work to accept that you will never have everything done at the end of the day--this job simply does not lend itself to that concept.  It is okay to leave work at the end of every day.  While it is normal to need to stay late on occasion or to come in every once in a while on a Saturday, this should not be an every day or every week occurrence.  If you are staying late every single day, limit yourself to staying late only two days during the week.  If you come in every Saturday, limit it to one Saturday during the month.
• Set boundaries for yourself.  It is okay if you do not want to have a parent conference at 5 p.m. on a Friday and instead offer an alternative day and time.  It is okay if you are trying to leave on-time at the end of the day and ask a teacher to come back and talk to you about a non-emergency topic in the morning.  It is okay if you do not check your work e-mails after you leave work at the end of the day or over the weekend.  For example, I know that if there is a pressing crisis in the evenings or on the weekend with regards to work or my students, I will get a phone call from my boss.  Anything else can probably wait until the next morning when I am at work.  If you do not set some reasonable boundaries for yourself, people will expect to have access to you and your skills 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and it is important that you have time to recharge so that you can best address their concerns.
• Schedule time for healthy habits.  Find time to cook and eat a good meal.  Get as much sleep each night as you possibly can.  Go the gym, yoga class, or take a walk with a spouse/partner/friend/child each day.  Schedule these into your week and make them priorities.  I make sure that I hit the gym or do yoga at least 5 times a week for an hour at a time.  Oftentimes I am able to work out frustrations from my day on the treadmill or center myself through the healing breath of a sun salutation.
• Develop a list of pleasurable activities and schedule at least one or two per week.  We do this so often with our students who may be a bit down--find out what they enjoy doing, whether its attending a ball-game or going to the movies with friends, and then help them to make it happen.  We need to take our own advice--when was the last time you went out with your girlfriends and laughed yourself silly over drinks with chips and guacamole?  When was the last time you went to a basketball game with your guy friends?  When was the last time you attended one of your kids' school-programs that you weren't in charge of making happen?  Not only do these help to recharge us, but they also tend to be great "perspective-checks"--there is a world and a life outside of our jobs.  I am a singer and often have one to two rehearsals per week and also take private voice lessons--I find it to be a wonderful way to force my mind to focus on something wholly unrelated to my job on a regular basis.
• Engage with friends and family. I have always thought that everyone who works in schools--teachers, custodians, counselors, administrators--need to have friends outside of that school to talk to.  This is especially true of counselors, as so much of what we deal with is confidential information--it's not really appropriate to share our frustrations with a parent or the intimate details of a student's life with anyone in our buildings.  It is important to maintain those relationships with our friends, partners, and spouses and allow those to replenish us when we are down or emotionally drained.  I make it a point to find time to have dinner or brunch with friends or attend a party, even if I'm exhausted or feel I don't have time--in hindsight I'm always glad I went.
• Consider supervision--either formal or informal. This is probably worth a separate blog entry, but in short, as interns we have this amazing support network--our on-site supervisors, our university supervisors, and a whole lot of peer supervisors who are in our classes.  Then we suddenly get into our first job and a lot of that goes away.  Hopefully you have a mentor, other counselors, or a director who you can go to for help or additional perspectives, but many counselors are alone in their buildings a great deal of the time.  It is a great idea to consider joining a formal supervision group, especially if you are thinking of pursuing state licensure as a therapist, but if not even getting together with some other counselors in the area on a regular basis to share cases and check for best practices.  It can make you feel a lot less isolated, help to validate the good work you are doing, and give you great ideas for situations you may be struggling with.
• Seek out your own therapy if needed.  Sometimes, even with our best efforts, it is still too overwhelming.  Sometimes we get that case that strikes a little too close to home and counter-transference gets in the way.  Sometimes what is going on in our personal lives begins to effect our day job.  Thus, sometimes it is necessary to get therapeutic help ourselves.

In this way, with your oxygen mask firmly in place, you can continue to help others put their own on for years to come.

The following work cited is available for members on the American Counseling Association website:

Shallcross, L.  (2011).  Taking care of yourself as a counselor.  Counseling Today, January 2011.

The following works cited are available for members on the American School Counselors Association website:  
 
Falls, L.  (2010)  Fan the flame.  Retrieved from http://www.schoolcounselor.org.  
Williams, R.  (2011)  The importance of self-care.  Retrieved from http://www.schoolcounselor.org.

Resource: Transitioning to Middle School

I went to a K-8 school growing up.  Thus, when I went to middle school, I simply moved down a floor in the building and was basically with the same group of kids I had been with in the elementary grades.

I was apparently an exception. 

Most elementary students will go from small, highly structured schools in which they spend most of their day with the same teacher and classmates to much (in some cases, much much much) larger middle or junior high schools.  Some of these middle schools will continue with a semblance of the elementary model in that the students move together with a "team" of teachers (called teaming) who will teach the students separately by subject, but who all have the same students on their roles.  This allows this group of teachers to get well acquainted with each of the students over the course of the year and share information that may benefit everyone.  Others will have a different teacher for every subject, like high school, and their will be no structured relationship at all amongst the teachers as far as having the same students.  This can be a huge transition for 11 or 12 year olds either on the cusp of or in the throws of adolescence.

PBS Kids has a great website to help elementary students who are on their way up or middle school students who have recently landed to explore their own thoughts and feelings about moving to the next level as well as gain valuable information and ideas.  It includes a journal page, a list of recommended books, as well as questions they can talk about with their parents or adults at their school.  This is great information for elementary or middle school counselors to use either with all of their students or a targeted group or individuals that seem to really be struggling with the switch.  What I like about it is that it is coming at it from a strengths-based perspective--what does the individual child bring with them that will help them be successful?  What aspects of the middle school we the child be drawn to and see as positive?

It can be a scary transition, but helping them to get answers to their questions ahead of time, process their feelings, and find things about the new school that they will enjoy will help to make it a little easier.

Bullying: Where Are We After a Year?

We've all seen the news in the last year--numbers of gay teenagers or those perceived to be gay committing suicide after being taunted and bullied in their schools.  I wrote a blog entry about it a few weeks ago.

At a recent meeting of my school's Gay-Straight Alliance a student was commenting on how frustrated they were becoming with all of these students committing suicide.  Since all of these deaths, have we moved forward on this issue in any way?

A recent AP article in the Washington Post would suggest we have, slowly but surely.  What I think is interesting is that a lot of these changes are being championed by teenagers themselves.  Some are joining their school's GSA's, others are asking history teachers to include LGBT history in civil rights lessons.  Schools are re-evaluating bullying programs and training staff and faculty as well as students as well as removing internet filters that used to prevent students from looking at pro-gay websites.

If, as a school counselor, you want to help promote your office or school as a "Safe Space" for LGBT student, click here for more information.

College Anxiety: Cost, Part II

There have been several stories in recent weeks and months about student loan debt rising along with the costs of a college education:

• According to this story, the student loan debt in America now tops one trillion dollars, making it roughly equal to the amount of credit card debt out there.  However, credit card debt can be erased by bankruptcy--student loan debt cannot.
• This story highlights how, because of large student loan debts, oftentimes for both undergraduate and graduate degrees, young Americans are having to delay or even forgo marriages/partnerships, buying houses, or having children.  The cost each month of repaying these loans makes taking any of these next big financial leaps a challenge, if not impossible.
• In this report the discussion is about how much to borrow for your education.  The tip here is not to borrow more in total than you would make in your first year of salary in a typical job in that profession.  As the author points out, though, this can make it extremely difficult for those who wish to major in liberal arts and the humanities versus business, math/science areas, or engineering.

What is the implication for those of us who are helping the next generation of students make choices about post secondary options?

• Students need to be aware of what the total cost of their prospective school choice will be.  College board has a great checklist of all the costs they should consider, and all universities and colleges are now required to have a net price calculator so that families can get a better idea of what the full price is really going to come to.  Several schools will also use College Board's net price calculator--check it out here.
• Students and families also need to have a general idea of what they might make per year in a chosen field that they are considering, as this can help them to gauge what might be realistic to take out in student loans.  Websites such as www.whatsthesalary.com and the Bureau of Labor Statistics can help to shed light on what a prospective salary might be.
• We need to share with students alternative paths to a four-year degree that could be more cost effective--check out my previous blog post for information on the military and community colleges.

College Anxiety: Cost and Competition

The college of my generation and of my parents' generation no longer exists.   College costs continue to rise each year at what seems to be a skyrocketing rate, and the number of applications to colleges continues to rise, making it more competitive for students to get admitted to some of their favorite schools.

This is certainly true in Virginia, where I work.  I recently had a meeting with a family where they asked me why there seem to be fewer students applying to out-of-state schools, especially those considered to be some of the top schools in the country.  My answer was simple--in Virginia we have some of the top ranked schools in the country.  The University of Virginia is considered to be one of the "best-values" in post-secondary education on a consistent basis each year, and it, along with the College of William and Mary, are said to offer what is often described as an "ivy-league education at a public-school price."  Thus, students and their families tend to apply to these in-state schools that have a strong reputation with a more reasonable cost than a Harvard or a Yale.

However, the concern is now that college continues to become more expensive across the country and at the same time it is becoming increasingly more difficult to gain admissions to some of these state schools considered on par with the Ivies.  This story from NPR, "Why is College So Expensive?" brings up the following points:

• States are giving less funding to their public colleges and universities--the difference is made up in out-of-pocket tuition dollars from families
• This is at the same time that the operational costs for universities is on the rise, namely to attract the top professors from around the world to teach and do research at their institution, and because of rising costs such as healthcare
• Grant aid has not risen with the cost of tuition--Pell Grants pay a lot less of a college education than they did in the 70's and 80's
• This is all at the same time that many families are struggling because of the economy--lost jobs or underemployment is common--thus, many families are taking out a great deal of public and also private loans to fund post-secondary education

This is important to acknowledge as school counselors for many reasons.  First, the anxiety that many parents and students feel about getting into college and then paying for college is very real.  Applications to state schools like UVA are on the rise and thus the competition is more and more steep each year--students with very strong academic and extra-curricular profiles worry that they are not going to get accepted.  Further, with the cost of a four-year education bordering on $60,000 to $100,000 and an economy that is still very much in recovery, families worry about how they are going to be able to pay for their child's education, and then worry about the job prospects after graduation.  Students may take out public and private loans but not be able to repay them for some time.

Something that I work on with students and their families is looking at a wider variety of options as they begin the application process--making sure they have a list of schools with different admissions criteria.  A strong student may get into UVA but be offered a small scholarship, whereas  they may get a much stronger financial aid package at a different school where there are seen as a leader on top of the heap of candidates.  I always remind them that the best school they can get into may not necessarily be the best school for them.  Further, many of my students look at alternative ways of funding college, through ROTC programs or the military--these programs may offer students a way to graduate more debt-free from college.  Finally, many more students are choosing the community-college route as a way to start.  In Northern Virginia, NOVA has a Guaranteed Admissions Program where a student can get an Associate's Degree and then, depending on the GPA, automatically gain admissions to any public university in Virginia.  By looking at multiple options, both for college choices as well as ways to pay for it, perhaps we can help to ease the understandable anxiety about post-secondary education for our students and their families.

Lack of Sleep in Adolescents Correlates to Risky Behaviors

As adults, we know that sleep deprivation over time can impair our judgement as much as being intoxicated.  Personally speaking, when I don't get enough sleep for a few days I become more emotional and less able to deal well with the inevitable stressors that life throws at us.

Imagine, then, adolescents who are sleep deprived trying to regulate the swell of emotions and feelings that come with being a teenager while trying to do well in school, manage their relationships, and think about their futures.

A recent study talks about how youth who reported getting less than eight hours of sleep were more likely to engage in risky behaviors like smoking, drugs, alcohol, sex, and fights, and more likely to be struggling with depression.

What does this mean for us as school counselors?  When we have students who are presenting with some of the problems mentioned above, one of our questions for the student and their families during our assessments and conversations should probably be about sleep and lifestyle--how many hours of sleep are you getting?  When are you getting to bed?  Do you feel rested when you wake up?  If they are not getting regular sleep, this could be contributing to their problems.  We know that with more and better sleep, they will be better able to regulate their emotions and make clearer decisions.